I have had lovely responses to the news that Andrew, Toby and I will be getting a new family member soon. I have had emails asking how far along I am and to see pictures of my bump. To tell you the truth I have no pictures of my bump, the first one I took was on Sunday when the bump turned 24 weeks old, above. Andrew says we should get the camera out and snap away but I’m just not into it. Maybe later.
I have never been one for this whole pregnancy thing. From a very young age I knew that being pregnant and giving birth wasn’t for me. Everyone said, ‘Don’t worry, you’re so young, you will change your mind.’ But as I approached my late teens, early twenties and even late twenties, nothing changed.
When I was only 10 or 11 I voiced my desire to adopt a child from a country who didn’t have the freedoms and rights that we do. When I met Andrew at 16 I told him my plans of never having my own children and adopting and as most 16 year old boys, he responded with something as significant as, ‘Yeah, OK, whatever.’
In my mid twenties, Andrew said that he could hear my biological clock ticking and that we should probably look at having kids sometime soon. I told him that there was no clock ticking because I still had no desire to have my own children but would love to adopt. Andrew wasn’t too keen on the idea but eventually, over time, came around and said to look into it. I researched and researched and found there were so many road blocks, red tape and restrictions, making it pretty much impossible to adopt from outside our country.
After we got married, I realised adoption probably wasn’t going to happen and a life of Andrew and I would be enough for me. Andrew made it clear that it might seem like an excellent option now, a life without children, but would we one day regret it? I was content with a life of travel, freedom, taking time off work for months or years and volunteering, only focusing and concentrating on us. I thought I would be very happy with that kind of life. Andrew wasn’t so sure but decided to leave this discussion for now and see how things work out down the road.
About one and a half years ago, only so slightly, desires to have my own child entered my mind and only intensified as time went on. I tried to ignore these feelings and decided that when I turn 30, if I still felt like this, maybe we could make it happen. The only problem, I was diagonised with Tokophobia. Tokophobia is the unnatural fear of being pregnant and giving birth. I was terrified and always have been of being pregnant and giving birth. For me, right from a young age, it just never seemed natural to have a human growing inside me and then birthing something so incredibly large. I witnessed things in my late teens that added fuel to my fear and what I saw was really the nail in the coffin. I spoke to my doctor about my concerns and was refereed onto a psychiatrist to work out my issues.
I wasn’t really into the whole psychiatrist thing and decided to get over my fears on my own, Googling and researching being pregnant and giving birth. My fears were so bad that one day when I was reading people’s stories online, I fainted at the kitchen table. Self help wasn’t working and I decided to approach the situation by just jumping into the deep end, doing it and letting the universe do its thing.
I don’t know how, but I have been so lucky, I have been blessed with the easiest pregnancy in the world. I have not gotten any symptons, no morning sickness, no nausea, no cravings, no extreme tiredness, nothing. Just a lovely growing bump. Considering what is happening, this has been the easiest thing that I have ever done. Because I have been on my own this whole journey, due to Andrew living in Adelaide, I can not be more grateful that this baby has been the best house guest and has been so incredibly kind to his mama.
We had our big scan a month ago and seeing this baby’s beautiful face in 3D made me realise how glad I am that we made this decision. Andrew and I love him so much already and we are so excited about our future together.
Time is racing by at the moment and I feel like we will be meeting him before we even know it. Andrew is so impatient, he wants to meet our boy right now, as he says, ‘The anticipation is killing me!’ For me, as excited as I am, I’m savouring these last few months of being free because very soon, the life that I know and love will no longer exist.
See you soon beautiful boy, we are so excited about meeting you.