November 24, 2015

Thinking

Posted in: Family

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Today I really needed Thomas to take both his naps because, busy! I’ve been staying up way past midnight to complete orders. I’ve been very tired of late and I’ve been drinking so much coffee it’s concerning. The other day I asked Andrew, ‘Have you learnt anything at uni about coffee. Is drinking as much as I am bad for you?’ In which he replied, ‘Helena, we’re actually learning important stuff like how not to kill a person during surgery or how to stop excessive bleeding. Not how much coffee one should drink.’

Anyway, of course today was the day Thomas didn’t want to go down for a nap. It was obvious he was tired, he was rubbing his eyes, grabbing his ears and his eyebrows were red. But he just wouldn’t surrender to sleep. I took him into my bed and lay him on my chest with the idea that, as soon as he falls asleep I’ll move him back into his cot. Toby realised Thomas had gone to sleep and came and plonked himself on me as well. Great! With this cuteness overload, how am I supposed to leave?

I lay there contemplating whether to move or not. There’s so much to do, and so little time. But then again this rarely happens and will stop happening way sooner then I would like. So, I decided to stay for an hour and a half knowing that I’ll yet again stay up way past midnight to get everything done. Even though this morning I woke up and said to myself, tonight will be the night I go to bed early.

With Thomas and Toby asleep on me, I couldn’t help but think about them, not only their bond but how wonderful Toby is with Thomas. Thomas can be so annoying and rough with him but Toby either takes it or gets up and leaves when he has had enough. It’s as if Toby knows that Thomas is still learning and can’t be blamed for his actions.

You know, Toby has helped me out so much this year. That really sounds pathetic, but it’s true. Toby is the one thing that will guarentee to settle Thomas down when nothing else will. There have been many times when I have plonked Thomas next to Toby and instantly Thomas has calmed down. There have been times when both Andrew and I are so tired and in such a deep sleep, we don’t notice that the baby monitor has been going off because Thomas is crying. Toby will come up and nudge and lick my face until I’m awake. Just Toby constantly being there by my side has made this whole experience of motherhood that little bit sweeter. Now only if I could train Toby to change some nappies!

With the boys on me I also thought about the fact that tomorrow Andrew finishes his exams for the year, another year of uni done and dusted. He has now completed 2 years of a 10 year journey and I can not even being to grasp how quickly those 2 years have gone. It made me think about how many times I have decided not to do something because of the time involved. It made me think about people who are passionate and great at something but don’t pursue it because they are afraid of the time it will take to do whatever it is. I fought so hard for Andrew not to go down this path because I thought we were too old for this. I thought he had missed the boat, there just wasn’t enough time left to do it.

But what I have learnt from the past 2 years is that time is irrelevant. If everyone took time into consideration, nothing would get done. Time is going to pass regardless. And once that time has passed you will find yourself in either 1 of 2 situations. Either you will have attempted whatever it is you wanted to do and be glad you started all those years ago. Or you’ll be in exactly the same position wishing you had given it a go all those years ago.

Another reason why I didn’t want Andrew to go back to uni is because I thought we wouldn’t survive financially. But this year has made both of us realise, you actually don’t need as much money as you think to survive or to be happy. And that’s a nice realisation that comforts us and makes both of us very confident that we will be able to get through this journey.

As Thomas started stirring and his beautiful blue eyes locked onto mine, I thought (more thinking!) that hopefully I will always be in a position where I can drop everything to take part in the important things in life. Like, let my son rest his head on me and drift off to sleep. Because it’s those moments that make life magical. Not getting all my jobs done so I can go to bed earlier.